Sunday, February 21, 2010

bitterness of heart

I've been reading a lot of Old Testament lately, especially the books Moses wrote. I am particularly struck by the passages of Moses leading the Israelites through the desert.

Too many times the Israelites complain of lack of sustenance and cry that they would have rather lived in Egypt and died in slavery than deal with this desert. At the same time I am reminded that these very same Israelites also cried out to God in Egypt to free them from oppression. For such ungratefulness towards God, the Israelites were than condemned to wander the very same desert for 40 years.

I wonder if the Israelites' fights with the people already occupying the land, the fights amongst themselves, and fights with God was to prepare their hearts and minds to fully receive and appreciate the Promised Land. Could it be that this time in the desert also served as a cleansing of the bitterness in their hearts?

The cries of the Israelites remind me of the bitterness in my own heart. The prejudice, the jealousy, the hatred, and countless other offenses that I hold against others and myself.

Why the hardness? Why the bitterness? What ungratefulness do we have towards God? Should we dare pray that we be given our own "deserts" in order to purify our hearts? I wonder if it is the fact that we forget His graciousness towards us that we become bitter.

I pray that we be reminded of our countless blessings. Only His love, His grace, and His mercy can take hold of my heart, our hearts, break it and mold it to be of one that most sings of His glory.

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